Do you feel guilt when you find peace and calm while grieving the loss of a loved one?
Grief is a very individual process. Its duration and depth is very personal. The Richmond-based, licensed and professional funeral directors at Can-Trust-Funeral, offer these supportive words to grieving families. Their message serves families long after their contact with the professional funeral directors’ roles in planning of funeral arrangements, ensuring all documents are correct to eliminate paper work stress, cremation arrangements, memorial planning or celebration of life events.
While Can-Trust-Funeral directors can refer families who want to address the longer term emotional impact of the loss of a loved one, to colleagues dedicated to after care, they have heard some particular questions shared by Lower Mainland families who have been served by Can-Trust’s team of professionals:
Q. Is it wrong for me to feel calm?
It is natural to feel grief and to suffer with the loss of a family member. Usually that feeling is felt in stages that move you from suffering and then with acceptance towards a deeper, perhaps calmer feeling about death.
We are often sensitive about what others around us might feel, or the way in which we are told we should show our grief. It’s not actually that there is something wrong with you.
Q. How long does grief linger in our day to day lives?
Sadness may come and go. You will likely feel a sense of your loved ones being with you at any time.
You may feel more peace if you are aware of these natural cycles. You may find comfort over time in the memories and traditions you shared even as you miss the people who are gone. You may feel their presence at the holiday table or in the conversations you are having while spending time with others.
It takes as long as it takes, to ‘get over’ a loss of any relationship, especially when that loss is permanent due to the death of a loved one.
Know, it’s OK to talk about them to say, “I miss him so much.”
Q. Will the pain ever go away?
Pain never really goes away, but it lessens. Its energy moves into a different place.
Over time, the pain shifts to other parts of the body, or your daily life. Eventually, your suffering lessens. This lightening makes some people feel guilty.
Grief is a journey. As you heal the heaviness may lift and that pain will shift and won’t be so prominent.
Understanding the process and having compassion for the person, especially yourself, applies to both groups of people in grief, say the Funeral Directors:
• Primary griever
• Support system
There are other tools besides time that can help bring relief. (LINK TO ROUTINES POST)
It’s OK to feel better at your own time and in your own way. It’s not a betrayal if in the maintenance of health and wellbeing the memory of the loved one lives on. Some feel it is their lifelong journey to uphold the memory but this hanging on may block recovery. It may block the ability to move beyond the pain towards a new and healthy ongoing connection to the loved one.
Can-Trust’s funeral directors offer families caring guidance on all options in the Lower Mainland community. We provide reliable, straightforward and affordable service, and with compassion, always.
Before you engage with any funeral homes, please call Can-Trust-Funeral at 604-376-7975 or email to book a free professional consultation. You are never obligated.
Our Can-Trust team of licensed funeral directors, provides funeral services in Burnaby, funeral services in Richmond, Vancouver and throughout the Lower Mainland.
Learn more at the Can-Trust Funeral Ltd website